Why do so many people in Sweden find marriage overrated

Nr.1: Can it be because the divorce rate is roughly 50 %?
Nr.2Can it be that they are less romantic than other people?
Nr.3 Can it be that they are less prone to commitment than other nationalities?

I have no idea to be honest but my gut feeling is that the practical, pragmatic and logical side of the Swedes has more to say about things than the  more emotional side of said nationality.

It that is so..then I’m not much of a swede I’m afraid. I had the great fortune of marrying my love 5 years ago and I love love love married life. I believe that the ceremony of commitment in itself has great meaning to a couple and family. It doesn’t have to be a religious ceremony it just has to be a ceremony that the society acknowledges.  Communication, the oh so true cliché, is the only thing that makes sure that a marriage works. To avoid Nr. 1: Start the practice art of communication BEFORE marriage.

I found these 20 questions (thank you Oprah!) that I think make plenty of sense. The truth might be that you are more “in lust” than “in love” if you, as a couple, can´t see eye to eye on these questions.

Question #1: What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?
Question #2: Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?
Question #3: How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?
Question #4: What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means, and through what efforts?
Question #5: What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend?
Question #6: How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours? Do we begin work early? Will we prefer to work into the evening?
Question #7: If one of us doesn’t want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay?
Question #8: How ambitious are you? Are we comfortable with the other’s level of ambition?
Question #9: Am I comfortable giving and receiving love sexually? In sex, does my partner feel my love for him or her?

Question #10: Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched? A little? A lot? For a night? A week? A month? A year? More?
Question #11: Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?
Question #12: Is each of us happy with the other’s approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?
Question #13: What place does the other’s family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often?
Question #14: If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?
Question #15: Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us? Question #16: How will having a child change the way we live now? Will we want to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? Will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?
Question #17: Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially and need to cut back on such commitments?
Question #18: What are my partner’s needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?
Question #19: Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church, synagogue, mosque or temple? More than one? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?
Question #20: Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other’s choices? (Source: Oprah)

Nr. 2 is pure rubbish. Swedes are romantic and caring. Nuff said.
Nr.3 Lots of swedes are in committed relationships without being married. Which makes me wonder why they choose not to get married. There is no equal legal protection for ones spouse as the institution of marriage in Sweden. Never mind the big shabaam of inviting tons of guests and family. Celebrate your love YOUR way. Small or big. At home or away. Just do it and really commit. Be brave and take that leap together. But only after you had the talk. I know, five years doesn’t make me an old pro. I know. This is, however, my blog and I get to write what I want  J So..here are some final advices that works for me and my dear husband.

  • Never forget to be your partners girl/boyfriend. Married or not.cute-love
  • Kiss. Every day.
  • Pay your partner a sincere compliment. Every day.
  • Don’t win an argument. That means your partner loses. Do you want your love to feel like they lost? Make your argument linger as a voice of needs.
  • Love yourself for whom you are, not what you achieve, and your partner will love you even more.
  • Chose each other. Every day.
  • Two does not become one. The choice being made is teaming up. Evolving together. Always choosing to be there for one another. Not becoming two matching-outfit-always-agreeing kind of people. It´s good to be different.

Oh…One last thing, your argument not to get married might be that marriage doesn’t really mean anything to you, but it does to your partner.
Ask yourself this: Do you love your partner enough to celebrate your love for her/him their way? If it doesn’t matter to you…what harm could come from expressing your love and commitment in a way that they desire?

I have coffee to sip and stuff to get through. Until later dear friends, until later.